“He talks, tracks, understands, breathes only this industry. This is all he does all week, all weekend, as if he has no interests outside of this industry, no friends outside of what he does for a job. What do you think that does to one’s head, Kavitha?” good friend P asks me, about someone we know.
She isn’t really asking a question, but rather making a deeper point.
If I were to tweak the theme a bit, the sentiment mirrors what people have increasingly been discussing with me over the past few months. “How should I make time for things outside of work?”
It’s a topic that has been running in my own mind for ages.
“Making time” is a very heavy phrase. It scares me. There are only 24 hours in a day after all.
“Prioritising activities” is actually more practical. Because, something always gives, we move something down / out of the list to move something up / into the list.
Prioritising activities with no clear return on investment of time (like a salary or a cost saving) happens naturally to a few of us. But, many of us simply struggle because ‘this is how it has always been - work, home, work, home’.
So, as is my wont, I am going to make this a bit programmatic, advice-like even.
Do you know what a day in your life looks like, weekdays and weekends individually? Make that first. Be as specific as possible, starting from “wake up at 6 am” or whatever hour it is.
Now, do you know which are the pockets that you simply don’t enjoy doing and also don’t need to, but end up doing because “what’s the choice really”? It’s a bit like Marie Kondo-ing but with your schedule (‘throw things away that don’t give you joy’ is her philosophy).
I can almost visualise you rolling your eyes at me. “I can’t throw tasks away like I throw things away, you impractical GirlAtWork”, I can hear you fuming and raging. No, you can’t. But are there pockets you can outsource, either to another human being or to a machine? And are there truly pockets you can really do without (yes, I am including doomscrolling on Twitter and Instagram to this list - perhaps those apps should go).
Post this exercise, are you able to find perhaps one or two hours in an entire week that can be yours and yours alone? Maybe you knocked off ‘dusting the bookshelves’ or ‘ironing the clothes’? Perhaps you decided to uninstall Snapchat (if that doesn’t give you joy).
What’s it that you would do for yourself in these two hours? What does truly give you joy, that you wouldn’t mind talking about at a lunch table, with a group of friends or strangers, colleagues or clients? Read? Knit? Paint? Quiz? Write? Play Tennis? Meet a friend?
I understand. Nothing is as simple. There are meals to be cooked and vessels to be washed, kids to be dropped off to soccer practice and senior citizens to be taken for health check-ups.
So many many things are non-negotiable.
But like my friend AD says, it really boils down to us and our willpower, to prioritise things that give us joy, that rekindles the passion to live life, in this mid-life crisised world.
Who are we, outside of our corporate jobs? Who are we, outside of our daily chores and mundane tasks? Who are we, when we are not someone to someone in our family?
Who are we, as humans of this world?
Do you think about it? Do you ask others what they like doing, in a bid to get to know them better, beyond the corporate tags that define them? What interesting snippets have you discovered about them?
Would you like to share your thoughts? Am so keen to listen, nothing would give me more joy this weekend than that.
P. S. Views strictly personal.
https://open.substack.com/pub/sinatana/p/doctors-may-i-ask-you-a-question?r=zickz&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
We awake in the mourning to urn a living but wake, mourning and urn are for the dead, but we get through the weak daze for a weakened and great each other with hello it may actually be o hell especially if you work the graveyard shift...
I enjoy your writing and your questions, you may enjoy this perspective. There’s a few short reads on my SS.
Grace
As someone who has spent recent years outside India, I did find it striking how busy it is here. In fact I was quite busy as well when I studied here without any mid-life responsibilites tbf. I was aware but never discussed between friends or family (so not aware?). I personally put it down to the Bandwagon effect. I do think a strong will and motivation to an action can change it. Recently when I did ask a friend, I was told this is how it is in corporate life, that the stress is intense and also cannot escape by hopping jobs. His belief/opinion was so strong on this that he was not willing to appreciative the alternatives. It's like getting through a traffic finding barely wider paths even when there is no particular urgency to reach ur destination.