I am not one of those girlie girls. I don’t behave like one of those women. I am like everyone here.
How often have we heard this being told? How often have we told this ourselves?
This one is hard to articulate. But let me give it a go. And, fall back on first principles while doing so.
Our normal at the workplace has forever been defined by the male normal. Which, need I remind you again, is only one half of the world’s population.
It models us on how a man deals with people, reacts to events, dresses up.
Or. Simply. Exists.
And it almost is… scratch that.. It IS a badge of honour to “work like a man” at the workplace. Because, hey “Man up” to get things done!
Women are looked at as unique beings, who bring unique characteristics to the table that the normal folks at work don’t have. EQ, keeping teams together, admin and project management. The “softer” aspects.
We need a woman to give that different perspective, I often hear people saying.
But then, women are expected to pivot quickly, be like the normal people, so that they can be perceived to be effective. Completely forgetting the reason they were brought in, in the first place (which reasons I have a strong view on but will reserve for a different discussion).
I read an article many years back about how women with long hair are distracting (to themselves and to others), and short hair is the appropriate length for CEOs. Apparently, short haired women indicate that they mean business, for they won’t be spending an inordinate amount of time taking care of their hair. Nor will they play with their hair in important meetings distracting others.
“K will leave at 6 pm. She will say she has a six month old baby,” a senior colleague once said flippantly in a meeting. “K comes in at 9, doesn’t go down for four smoke breaks, manages her stakeholders between 9 and 6 (without necessarily hanging out with them at said breaks), and leaves home by 6,” would have been the appropriate thing to say.
But hey. That’s abnormal right. That’s not how a man does it. The man slogs away in office while the wife is in the labour room after all.
Ah. I can see you squirming for I suddenly jumped to extremities instead of talking normal examples.
However, from extremities are born the normals.
I once spoke to a senior exec (X) who came at it from a refreshing angle.
‘Do things the way you do things. And establish that that’s the normal that works for you and around you. It’s a slow and painful process, but yields everlasting results as against changing your self to adhere to a definition of normal that isn’t actually the normal for an entire gender,” she elaborated.
I couldn’t have said it any better. So, I will leave it there.
Have you ever acted the way a man does in a situation, because that’s what’s considered normal?
Have you changed tracks and acted like how you would?
If I were to talk in analogy terms, have you ever wondered where you should tie the tie in a ‘black tie’ event, or went in wearing whatever is your normal?
Tell me in the comments, I am keen to know.
P. S. Views strictly personal. None of the events mentioned in this post refer to the organisation that I am currently associated with.