A few months ago, in one of the myriad WhatsApp groups I am a part of, someone said, “Have you seen these housewives with a bunch of helpers to do their bidding? They are such a lazy lot. What do they even do at home all day?”
A few days ago, an erstwhile semi-famous Bollywood actress made a similar remark. She eventually apologised as social media raised storm and hellfire.
The phrase “lazy housewife” doesn’t sit well with me. And it makes me think.
Indulge me, will you, while I think.
Little girls and young women, the “normal” average, are brought up with pearls of wisdom. From parents and grandparents, family near and far away. About what it takes to be a good home runner, a good wife, most importantly a good mother.
Degrees and jobs are all fine till marriage but hey afterwards “it’s up to you and your husband”. I know girls who have been told “Oh if you want to do that eye correction surgery, do it after marriage. It’s your husband’s and in-laws’ decision”.
I digress, but you get my point don’t you. A girl’s entire childhood, she’s told about how her entire life revolves around her marriage, not one of many events and rites of passage, but the only thing that defines her life.
At this point of time, it would be remiss of me if I don’t acknowledge how little boys and young men are brought up, with ideals of duties towards their parents and families instilled in them, the ever-growing load of being a bread winner for everyone, piled on. That’s a different topic for a different day, though.
Going back to the case of the “conditioned” women, indoctrinated even…
Around us are many stay-at-home moms fashioning something out of the time available to them, becoming homepreneurs running what are traditionally known to be “womenish” ventures that their husbands feel might give them some “pocket money”. Something that is easily deprioritizable if the driver doesn’t turn up or the cook quits overnight or if the home needs some refurbishing.
I am using Metroish, high-end examples because that’s who the “lazy housewife” narrative is centred upon. The one who has it all and has to do nothing at all.
These women are expected to be available at the drop of a hat as back-ups, as mainstays who keep a beautiful house and hold relationships together, representing the family in a myriad of events, ranging from births to deaths.
When no one sees value in their profession or money they bring home, when their value is defined in terms of how many classes they can ferry the child to and how much home-baked “nutritious” food they can send to school, what will motivate them to put that extra fight to step out and do something for themselves?
It is so much easier to actually do what is expected of one than confront the norm, going beyond and contra to acceptable behaviour.
But isn’t it easier, one might ask. Way easier to run a home than actually work in an office and earn money?
You tell me. What do you find to be easier? Something the world around you has said you will be great at, making yourself believe and practise that more, or the big bad unknown you were never prepared for.
I rest my case.
P. S. Views strictly personal.