“I think you are doing well. You have picked things up fast. Most importantly, you aren’t a jerk. We don’t like jerks around here”, my then boss told me in my third month on the job, many moons ago.
I had never thought of myself as a jerk. But it felt good to know I wasn’t perceived as one.
It also serves as a litmus test to this day. I ask myself quite often - Am I just getting the job done or have I gone over to the dark side, becoming a jerk?
But, this article isn’t about me. It’s about leaders and how we picture them.
Have you seen how the world celebrates the aggressive leader? The macho man who issues clarion calls for sleepless nights and sacrificed weekends, slapping his hypothetical thighs in glee about being a smart shorter of the market.
Have you noticed how we talk with a certain wariness and trepidation about the nice folks? The soft spoken and friendly leaders, the ones who display a modicum of EQ, as if that’s a mental condition they should correct before taking up leadership roles?
I often wonder. What’s so attractive about leaders who are actually jerks? Loud voiced, unapproachable, burning the midnight oil for no joy, screaming in meetings, putting out provocative statements.
Is it because we inherently associate machoism with success? Or is it because our recorded history is full of macho males gnarling their teeth as they rode into war?
Why does a measured dialogue and a calibrated approach to people always reflect as unambitious, as if those leaders do not have the chops to chase behind audacious goals?
It goes back to the original question. No one likes working with a jerk. So, why would they like working for a jerk?
I don’t have any nuggets of wisdom or key takeaways this time. Hell, not even specific experiences. But I do have questions, thought starters if you may.
As a manager and a leader, do you consciously try to maintain decency, an underrated corporate trait? Or have you been told you shouldn’t be so nice, that people will trample all over you?
Have you worked with leaders who made changes to their working style, consciously moving towards the unapproachable end of the spectrum, because that’s what the role “demands”?
Have you seen examples of the other kind rather? The nice folks who finish first, with impactful results and innovative strategies, without really yelling about how hardcore they are?
What do you think should happen so we have a more balanced world, people at the top who don’t have to wear their assholery (real or faked) as a badge of honour to get things done? More women? More encouragement of collaboration? Or like my boss told me, shunning of the jerks from the word go?
Share your experiences here or ping me with them. I am keen to know. And perhaps, something useful might come out of it.
P. S. Views strictly personal.
Starts from home and education system where we are made to think that parent or teacher that scolds is not to be messed with. Also We have no role models of soft spoken leaders. Focus on EQ is low
People want to work with successful bosses. Because your career trajectory is a function of that. Even if it's a jerk, if it's a successful jerk, people are willing to pay the price.