Issue #37: Why do you work, Mumma?

Some questions simply shouldn’t exist

“Why do you work, Mumma? Other kids’ mummas don’t work.” AJ says her kid asks her often.

“What answer do we give our kids, Kavitha?” AJ wonders.

I don’t know. But it gets me thinking.

Why do our kids ask this question? How do they get the idea that mummas have certain jobs that are diametrically different from pappas?

For a moment, let’s ignore the possibly true but also mildly exaggerated claim that a child always needs the mom, ‘always’ being the needlessly operative word.

I believe our kids ask this question because of what assaults their senses day in and day out.

Mothers, please attend the parent-teachers meeting. Mothers, manage the food stalls as part of the fete. Mothers, check the homework for the weekend. Moms, please make sure the kid turns up in white and white. Moms. Moms. Moms.

Our kids see mothers everywhere. Because the society expects mothers to turn up everywhere.

And they believe their mothers’ primary and only responsibility is them, a paying job* reserved only for the fathers.

Let’s just have the mothers in paying jobs* be supermoms, pulling off everything, turning up everywhere all the time no?

No. Something always gives. Sometimes, it means the ball is dropped on the home front, like a leaking water bottle or an un-ironed uniform; other times it means the “super” moms end up taking more time off from corporate work than their male counterparts (whose wives are busy taking one for the team in their own world).

What choice do we have, I can hear the moms muttering, irritated.

Even if we ask the dads to turn up, they feel singled out, alone, amidst all the moms. Now, that’s a battle for the home, and am going to leave each one of us to battle it for ourselves, because all our contexts are different, and I won’t sitting here claiming I understand all those contexts.

Then what, more mutters. It’s not like we can change the society.

No, we cannot. Not at one go. But we can ask questions of the society, make people wonder a bit more if things are a tad too lopsided and unfair.

What doesn’t kill you only makes you stranger, The Joker (Batman’s nemesis) says.

I am that strange(r) being, the voice that asks, “I hope you meant that for both parents” to every question that is directed towards mothers.

If you are a working mom* reading this article (doesn’t matter if you are paid or unpaid), you can be that strange being too, asking uncomfortable questions of the society.

And if you are a dad reading this article, you should definitely be that person saying “I will be taking this up, for my child”.

In the long run, our children will stop asking “why does mumma work” and start saying “one of my parents will come with / for me”.

And that’s one of the many small but effective ways in which we build a better world for the generations to come.

One inclusive question at a time.

Note: I use the phrase “paying job” or “moms in paying jobs” across this article instead of “working moms” because all moms are working moms only. Some are paid at their corporate jobs, others do unpaid and unrecognised housework including doubling up as drivers, cooks, cleaners, ironers etc.

P. S. Views strictly personal.