“Man up and get going,” we hear people say often.
Man up. A phrase that packs a punch in just two words. A gut punch, if you may.
Man up, because when you man up, you are brave, strong, courageous, go-getting-ish.
“Don’t be a pussy”, we hear too. The polar opposite of manning up.
For, we all know what that means. Don’t be weak, don’t dither. Don’t relent easily. Don’t be useless.
At the workplace, “big daddy” is associated with power, a position of being able to dole out favours.
“Such a mother” is someone who smothers. Taking care but a bit too much. Almost derogatory while treading a thin line. “I meant it as a compliment yaar”.
Resting bitch face, Debbie Downer - the list goes on.
“He is PMSing” sums it up nicely. We are supposed to tread on eggshells when someone is PMSing. And who are the people who PMS after all?
I am not here to tell you to ‘man up’ or ‘woman up’ or ‘person up’ and tell people off when they use gendered phrases.
It is one of the most difficult things to do, standing up, especially on items that can be construed as grey areas. “Why are you making a big deal of this”, we are bound to hear back, running the risk of being tagged “Too emotional” and “PMSes often”.
No. We all know we should stand up and correct people but be that as it may, there are other things we can do too.
Don’t shrug it off as normal - Gendered words and phrases are so ingrained in our world view that we tend to take them in our stride. What’s the big deal in “don’t be a pussy” after all? The very idea that we associate ‘pussy’ with weakness means we associate women with weakness, women employees with weakness. Women’s contributions to the world get layered with a thickening film of weakness.
Be mindful in conversation - It is so easy for us to slip up in every day conversation. “I am a bitch” is such a normal phrase so many of us use (guilty as charged) that we don’t realise all that it connotes. “She’s a bad bitch” is supposed to be a compliment actually. But, is it?
Try introducing replacement phrases - “Man up” can be “chin up”. “He is PMSing” can be “His mood seems off”.
When in doubt, ask - Going back to point 1, so many of these phrases are part of daily language. Which means, often times, we don’t realise where they stem from and what all they indicate. The internet is a handy tool, it holds the history of the world. Search. Ask people. Change. It’s worth the effort.
It would remiss of me not to acknowledge that many organizations and people have already started the journey towards gender neutral references. ‘People teams’ the world over are promulgating ‘they / them’. ‘Chairperson’ is becoming mainstream, as it rightly should.
With all the good things that we continue doing, let’s remember we have some hard yards to cover, on items that are difficult to write out as laws of the land, those that can only be changed by us.
Be the change you want to see etc.
P. S. Views strictly personal.
" I was raped in the review"
"He is a 'sensitive' guy" - accompanied by effeminate body language
.
.
.
The list is endless, thank you for your labour 🙏
Your suggestions are not unreasonable and I hope that most people don't actually go around and talk about PMSing etc. It's not 1985. Even as a somewhat politically incorrect 50 something white male I don't.
My concern is the weight we assign to gender based identity politics, it is completely unhealthy, it divides society, it breeds suspicion and paranoia, it is not moving society to a better spot, it is creating a culture that is fractured while trying to create a fake surface unity that underneath is swimming with resentment, bullying and so focused on not violating the latest political sensitivities that it never is able to look up and see what unifying positive goals it might embrace