“You lose 100% of the business you don’t ask for,” says a boss of mine. “Poochne mein kya jaata hai - What are we going to lose by asking”, says another.
I was born and brought up in small town Chennai, where we were taught to put our heads down and work hard, the rewards would come knocking. We even had a Thamizh saying to that effect in case the message wasn’t clear enough.
My first appraisal was a revelation - that one can survive but not thrive with just putting in hard work. To thrive, asks are important.
So, my second appraisal hit it out of the park, you think? Oh no. 22 years of “do your duty without expecting returns” doesn’t get reversed in two appraisal cycles.
The first time I ever asked for something had nothing to do with hikes and bonuses. “Hey G, I have been working on this project for three weeks now and I would love to travel to xyz (an international location) for the interim presentation along with you”. I had gone armed with a long list of reasons supporting my ask. I never got to use them because the answer was quite short and there were no further discussions. “Yes”.
The second time was when I asked for a promotion. It was turned down with a, “You are a super strong performer but our policy doesn’t support a promotion right now.”
The resounding “No” set my slow-building confidence back by a few months; I lost 100% of the opportunities I didn’t ask for in that period.
But with time it got better. I learnt to ask, ready to meet options midway, steeling to hear a ‘No’, okay to defer and ask again later if the timing wasn’t right .
Someone recently wondered - What’s the best way to negotiate? Honestly, I think the best way is to start cultivating the ability to ask for the right thing.
Work hard and smart, show results.
Benchmark against data, both monetary and otherwise.
Use 1 and 2 to make your ask.
Keep the ask broad so both sides have some wiggle room.
Have not only a go-in position but also a go-to position that you will be happy with.
Be prepared for a “No”. The trick is to pick yourself up and keep going.
Remember - you run the risk of being called ‘high maintenance’. That’s par for the course, particularly for ambitious women.
How do you ask? More importantly, do you ask?
P. S. Views strictly personal. Post doesn’t refer to any organisation that I am currently associated with.
Issue #2: Ask and you shalt receive
Lovely. On the point of negotiation, in addition to what you said, I had a super boss give me some helpful tips.
- go with 3-4 things knowing that you won’t get all. ( allowing the other side to ‘win’, as well)
- go back and forth a maximum of 2 times.
I was negotiating a pay hike, AND more annual leave at the same time. ( I was working in a foreign country on a local package, as I had joined locally. I needed to travel back to meet family, the others didn’t). I did get both. It was still a great deal for the company as my replacement was an expat who cost the company a bomb.