All’s quiet on the Girl At Work (GAW) front, some of my more regular readers (may I dare to suggest, ‘fans’?) might be thinking.
It isn’t easy, none of this is easy, I can tell you, sounding exasperatedly dramatic while at it.
But, let me take a step back, because story telling needs to be chronological. Mostly. Except if I am the scriptwriter of The Marvellous Mrs Maisel, in which case I have blanket privilege to do never-ending time jumps.
Many months ago, I fleetingly touched upon imposter syndrome here on GAW.
I am happy (?) to update you that I have had a chance to recalibrate my thoughts on the topic in the past few weeks.
It was a warm, sunny afternoon. Hot, sunny afternoon actually. The discussion was everything, everywhere but also particularly somewhere. The questioner, an extremely senior executive, listened as I spoke. Asked questions. Absorbed. Asked more. Absorbed more. And looked convinced at the end of it all.
I didn’t need anyone else to tell me I had done well. I knew it. I knew that what I spoke about made sense, added value, to the questioner. Because they had signalled as much to me through their body language, through their receptiveness, as through their words of appreciation at the end of the interaction.
I walked out feeling as less of an imposter as I have ever felt in my life.
It reminded me of another hot afternoon, many years ago, when I was constantly interrupted by another senior executive in another context, never allowed to put forward my point of view, as I tried expressing my opinion. At the end of the interaction, I had been fairly certain I knew nothing about the topic even though I was the only one in that room, who, in reality, had known anything at all about the topic.
Imposter syndrome was originally termed ‘imposter phenomenon’, introduced in an article published in 1978, by Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes. The authors defined it as an “internal experience of intellectual phoniness”.
An experience, my dear readers, as opposed to simply a figment of imagination in our heads. Not so much a syndrome that I bestow upon myself and should be taking sole ownership for, as a phenomenon that is thrusted upon me by other, more powerful forces that surround me.
So what, you ask me. Now, I don’t take the onus for this whole ‘imposter’ stuff, but how does it help me move ahead and un-imposter my impostered self, you glare at me.
There are no simple answers here. But, this is where I have netted off, and I hope it makes sense to you too.
Recognising that the imposter phenomenon in a particular situation isn’t necessarily just because of what I am feeling but compounded by how someone opposite me is making me feel helps reduce how much I beat myself up for it. In other words, it helps me channel my energy in more constructive pursuits than solely in pulling myself down.
More importantly, it does put the onus back on me in a round about way, but that which makes more sense. That this isn’t about me, it isn’t personal. But it is perhaps about the other person, and so I have an opening to try more, I should listen to my instincts on how right I am and push the case a bit more.
Most importantly, the recognition makes me understand the person I am dealing with a bit better. It is a sneak peek into what their intent is and what can realistically move the needle, if at all.
Now, we go back to where I started off this post. On why all’s been quiet on the GAW front.
The writer in me does feel a bit of an imposter phenomenon coming on, competing with the all-powerful Large Learning Models (LLMs) of this world.
Wouldn’t the ChatGPTs and WriteSonics of the world churn this kind of analysis and advise out in a jiffy, I spend time wondering.
And then, without warning, the optimistic part of my brain kicks in. Words may be commoditised, strung together at the drop of a hat, but stories… the stories we carry, the experiences we live through, the feelings and emotions we feel, possibly will take more time to get commoditised and may never update LMMs as fast as they update and stay within our brains.
So long and keep reading! If you find value in what I write, and you have applied some of these learnings in the past, perhaps you would like to support my work. Click here to donate.
P. S. Views strictly personal.
The underlying take on the uniqueness of our stories is great! I struggle with the term imposter syndrome...feels like patriarchal gaslighting to me.I heard an interview with Mindy Kaling where she refused to claim it. In her book, Why Not Me? she writes something like, *Know your shit. Own your shit. And feel entitled' I'm probably misquoting somewhat, but I think of this often. I'm not an imposter. I may be naive or unprepared or mistaken. I may be in the wrong situation or with people who refuse to listen or accept. Whatever. I'm not an imposter.
Thank you Catherine. So well put.